But many more people in open relationships do want to hear about their partners' adventures because it turns them on. He's not really "out"about his kink. Your role-playing games take place before she fucks someone else when she asks your permission and after she fucks someone else when she recounts her experience. We've had numerous arguments about this, and his "solution" is for me to "stop thinking about it. So long as he's good at his job and his secret perving is undetectable—no bulges, no heavy breathing, no creepy comments—no harm done. They were together for three years and briefly engaged, and they broke up two years before we met. I "allow" her to fuck other men and women, and she delights in asking my permission and recounting the details of her other trysts to me. There's a perverse thrill in her other lovers being totally oblivious to it, but we want to be ethical in our polyamorous ways. It would be all guys with the same size feet as us, and everyone will be wearing different pairs of boots from his collection.
Some people in open relationships don't want to know what their partners get up to, and these couples usually have "don't ask, don't tell" agreements about sex outside the relationship. Tweet Joe Newton I've been enjoying consensual nonmonogamy for the past two years, in part thanks to your column and podcast. Now for the caveat: Zooming out for a second: I think it would be way better than going to a strip club or a drag show. My go-to example of PSP is the foot fetishist who works in a shoe store. His size also happens to be my size—and I'm half convinced he wouldn't have proposed if we didn't have the same size feet and I couldn't wear his boots. I want to surprise him with a very special bachelor party that we'll both attend: Of course, it's just an elaborate role-playing game—but is it wrong to be using these people as pawns in our game without their knowledge and consent? I'm picturing a big group of guys doing for him what I do for him: Your role-playing games take place before she fucks someone else when she asks your permission and after she fucks someone else when she recounts her experience. There's a perverse thrill in her other lovers being totally oblivious to it, but we want to be ethical in our polyamorous ways. We've had numerous arguments about this, and his "solution" is for me to "stop thinking about it. Or after she's developed a more intimate rapport with them? If he thinks he's playing it cool—he thinks his perving is secret—but his customers or coworkers are creeped out by his behavior, demeanor, heavy breathing, etc. Before she sleeps with them even once? His feet aren't an uncommon size He refuses to discuss this issue, even as I lose sleep over it. We're in a cuckold relationship—she sleeps with other men and women, while I am completely monogamous to her—and "my" best man is one of her regular male sex partners and her maid of honor is one her girlfriends with benefits. It would be all guys with the same size feet as us, and everyone will be wearing different pairs of boots from his collection. They know she isn't monogamous and they are aware of her relationship with me, but so far she has chosen not to tell them the extent to which I "own" her and have jurisdiction over her body and actions. We are curious how much of this she needs to disclose to her other lovers. If so, when should she tell them? There are things we have a right to ask the people with whom we have casual sex—like whether they're practicing ethical nonmonogamy, if they have an STI, what kind of birth control they're using, whether they're on PrEP, etc. The secret perving you're doing—the girlfriend has to beg for your permission to fuck other people and report back to you afterward—is small and it's a bank shot.
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